LOSS and GRIEF
What are Loss and Grief?
Grief is the natural emotional response to the loss of someone close, such as a family member or friend. Grief can also occur after a serious illness, a divorce or other significant losses.
Grief often involves intense sadness, and sometimes feelings of shock, numbness or even denial and anger. For most people, the intensity of grief eases over time and the episodes of grief become less frequent.
Grief is a process or journey that affects everyone differently. It can be exhausting and emotionally draining, making it hard to do simple things or even leave the house. Some people cope by becoming more active.
Grief has no set pattern. It is expressed differently across different cultures. Some people like to be expressive and public with their emotions, while others like to keep grief private.
Most people find the grief lessens with time. They may always carry sadness and miss the person who has died, but are able to find meaning and experience pleasure again. Some people even find new wisdom and strength after experiences of loss.
Different types of loss and grief
Grief is usually described in relation to the death of a loved one, but other types of major loss can also lead to feelings of grief. The more significant a loss, the more intense grief may be.
People may feel grief over:
the death of a loved one – grief can be particularly severe following the death of an infant or child, or a suicide
divorce or separation
the loss of a beloved pet
giving up something that mattered
work changes – unemployment, retirement, retrenchment
the diagnosis of a terminal illness
the loss of good health due to an illness, accident or disability
miscarriage or infertility
having a child with a disability, a terminal illness, a mental illness or a substance abuse problem
moving away or separation from family or friends
having an ‘empty nest’ when children leave home
What are the effects of grief?
The effects of grief can often resemble depression and some people do go on to develop depression following a significant loss. If you are dealing with a major loss and finding it difficult to cope, see your doctor.
Immediately after a death, those left behind often feel shocked, numb and in denial, particularly if the death was unexpected.
When they are able to start to understand the reality of death, they can experience intense sadness, emptiness or loneliness, and sometimes anger or guilt.
The feelings can be painful, constant or overwhelming. Grief can come in waves, seeming to fade away for a while and then return again. But over time, the feelings gradually subside.
Everybody reacts to grief differently. Common feelings include:
sadness
shock
denial
numbness, a sense of unreality
anger
guilt
blame
relief
Emotions
People might feel or act differently to usual. They might have difficulty concentrating, withdraw and not enjoy their usual activities. They might drink, smoke or use drugs, or have thoughts of hurting themselves or that they can’t go on.
Physical health
Grief can be exhausting and this may weaken the immune system, making people prone to colds and other illness. Grief can affect the appetite and lead to changes in weight. It can affect sleep and leave people feeling very tired. It can also lead to stomach aches, headaches and body aches.
Spiritual life
Some people may experience dreams about their loved one, feeling their presence or hearing their voice. People who are grieving often search for meaning and examine their spiritual beliefs.
Post-traumatic growth
Some people find positive experiences following grief and loss, such as a new sense of wisdom, maturity and meaning in life.
Complicated grief and depression
In some people, grief can be prolonged or more intense, and it may interfere with their ability to cope with everyday life. This may be more likely if the loss was particularly traumatic, such as a suicide or death of a child.
When should I seek help for my grief?
If you are experiencing persistent feelings of sadness and despair, and are unable to experience happiness, you may be experiencing the symptoms of depression. If your feelings are getting in the way of your everyday life, then it’s important to seek help.
Signs that you may need to seek help include:
appetite changes (loss of appetite or overeating)
intense sadness
difficulty sleeping
feelings of emptiness feelings of despair
thoughts of harming yourself
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